Douglas Lay
Late one night, a wife is awakened by an unexpected noise coming from the kitchen. She pokes her husband and whispers, “Honey, I heard something downstairs in the kitchen.”
The husband rolls over, and half asleep, says to his wife, “What do you want me to do?”
“Go downstairs and check it out,” she says.
“I’m sure it’s nothing.”
But she immediately counters with, “But maybe someone is trying to break in. You know there have been some other break-ins in the neighborhood recently. Please go check it out.”
“I’m really exhausted from work today. I need to get some sleep.”
But she persists. “I know I heard something. Go check it…”
But before she could finish her sentence, he says, “Maybe you just heard the neighbor next door. You know that he works the night shift and comes home around this time.”
She quickly answers, “I know what I heard. It wasn’t outside. I heard an unfamiliar noise downstairs.
Without any hesitation, he refutes her by saying, “Maybe it’s just Matthew” (their college-age son). “You know he often comes home late without telling us.”
“No, it can’t be Matthew. He is visiting his girlfriend out of town this weekend!
The husband, not happy about being corrected by his wife, begins to attack her. “Why didn’t you tell me he was out of town?”
“I did tell you. You weren’t listening.”
“Well, I am listening now,” he emphatically replies, “and I am telling you, I didn’t hear anything downstairs.”
“Of course you didn’t hear anything. You were sound asleep, snoring away as you always do. I am telling you—I heard a noise downstairs.”
The husband, growing impatient with her, says, “Look, what do you expect from me?”
“Go downstairs and check it out,” she replies. “How many times do I need to tell you?”
But before he could answer, she continues, “You need to go investigate, but take the baseball bat with you.”
He sarcastically replies, “But what if he has a gun? Are you trying to get me killed?”
By now she is so furious with him that she cries out, “Why won’t you go check it out? Are you trying to get me killed?”
He laughs, actually mocking her, and replies, “Why do you have to exaggerate so much? No one is going to kill you! I told you…..NO ONE IS DOWN THERE.”
“Ok then,” she says. “I’m going to call 9-1-1. I know what I heard.”
“Are you crazy? We’ll look stupid when the police come and they find no one down there. Besides, they have more important things to do than waste their time investigating your ghost!”
By now his wife is so frustrated that she tells him she is going down to check it out herself.
“Can’t you trust me? You don’t need to go down. I told you that I didn’t hear anything. Just go back to sleep.”
“But I can’t sleep knowing that someone might be downstairs breaking into our house!” she firmly tells him.
“Listen, I have to get up soon to go to work early, so I need to get back to sleep.”
Again, she repeats herself, “I know I heard something!
“You know how emotionally anxious you get,” he says. “It’s just probably the wind. Go back to sleep.”
After nearly an hour of this back-and-forth, the wife begins to think, “Maybe I didn’t hear anything. Maybe there really isn’t anyone down in the kitchen. Maybe my husband is right.” She then lies back down and reluctantly, tries to go back to sleep.
Her husband—glad that his wife has finally stopped pestering him—rolls back over and goes back to sleep.
But the noise continues.
Gram Lay 